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I am currently. . .
Kicking myself for: getting braces in the first place. I am so frustrated! I had them put on last July (2013) & things went seemingly smoothly for several months. In January, my dentist & orthodontist agreed that I needed a tooth pulled, so I grudgingly did it. . . The problem is that it is right up front, on the bottom — VERY noticeable! (Insert stereotypical “trailer trash” jokes here!) A week after the tooth was pulled, I had wires on again, to start straightening those teeth out. Then, in March, after only two adjustments since the tooth was pulled, the handsome husband & I moved from Washington State to Arizona, which, of course, necessitated a change in my oral care. . . All the new doctors are saying my gums aren’t healthy enough for braces — yet they are the healthiest they have been in YEARS AND they are healthier than when I was first banded! I am SO FRUSTRATED! My last adjustment was back in February. My wires were removed in April & I have had JUST brackets on my teeth ever since. This is NOT okay!
Feeling empowered about: taking the little bit of control back that I do have in my health care! Just this morning, I made appointments for a thorough teeth cleaning, one last periodontist consultation, & an orthodontist visit. If the periodontist does not sign off on allowing orthodontic adjustments again, it is my intent to have the brackets taken off. . . I will cry, I am sure of it. . . I feel like a hobo with this hole in my face. . . BUT, I cannot keep going on as things are. SO, yeah. . .
I have also started seeing an ophthalmologist to try to get my uveitis under control again. . . I need to update the prescription for my glasses, but it’s a futile effort until my left eye is somewhat “normal” again. .. (Although I am not sure I even know what “normal” is anymore!)
Looking forward to: one set of in-laws visiting this weekend! The handsome husband’s father & step-mother will be here. They fly in late Friday & head back to Washington State on Sunday afternoon. It’ll be a short visit, but much-needed. Other than Little RJ, they will be the first to visit since we moved & we are quite excited to see them!
Feeling a little guilty about: pampering myself on Friday. I got a manicure & pedicure. . . Then I went next door & also got a hair cut & some high lights! Don’t get me wrong; I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t really feel like I needed the pick-me-up. . . But it is still nerve-wrecking to spend that kind of money on something so frivolous. . . I am having some major self-esteem issues lately. The mouth stuff I mentioned above is a huge part of it. Why should I bother even trying if I am going to look like I just crawled out of a gutter anyway? Well, that’s what it feels like, anyway.
My braces make it difficult to wear lip gloss or any lip color of any sort. . . & my uveitis has me putting eye drops in anywhere from every two hours to about four times daily. That makes eye make-up tricky. Plus, the heat here has me sweating so bad that I think whatever I put on would melt off — or be wiped off — with in half-an-hour anyway! (I know, I know. . . Women supposedly “glow” instead of “sweat.” I call bullshit on that one! Come live in the desert when you’re used to the beautiful Pacific Northwest, then try talking to me about “glowing”!)
Anyway, I just figured this was something I could do for myself until it starts to cool down a bit around here. Maybe I will walk with my head held a touch higher — at least for a short while? We’ll see. . .
Grateful for: my “real-life” friends & family that seem to look forward to & read all of my ramblings on this blog. It is so very helpful to feel connected — even with thousands of miles between us. I know at least one of my best friends reads regularly (she & I are messaging in a different window, discussing parts of my last few posts, as I compose this post!). My husband gets each & every post delivered to his email as well. . . He’ll send me random emails every now & then in response to something I’ve written here. . . He says he’ll never actually comment on Calculated Chaos because he has a more intimate view-point than anyone else & that is something that is reserved for me. (Makes me love him more!) My youngest son’s dad (Little RJ’s dad) reads pretty regularly, from what I understand. We’re friends, as well as parents together, so it is nice to be on the same page. . . Plus, he recently told me that my Little RJ has been coming to this site to read my posts on his own during his computer time. Pretty cool! (In fact, if he’s reading this: Hi, Riley! I love you!) I think one of my mother-in-laws pops on from time to time. . . Other than that, I am not entirely sure. But, it feels good to feel connected to family & friends — new AND old — & it is pretty cool that something like a blog can do that.