My Own Roadblock


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A couple of mornings ago, I forced my fat ass onto my bicycle & down the walking/biking trail in our community. What a humbling experience!

During that time, I passed a couple out walking. Then, when they caught up to me at my half-way point, they asked if I was okay — I must have looked MISERABLE! LOL. I just told them I am just out of shape & we all said, simultaneously, “You have to start SOMEWHERE!” Made me feel a little better! 

I paused my timer at my half-way point & forgot to start it again. . . But it looks like it took me an embarrassing near-twenty minutes to go approximately a mile-and-a-half. My lungs were burning & my thighs were jello. I’ll tell you one more thing: At this stage in the game, the slight hills of Washington State (where we just moved from), with both ups and downs, are WAY more appealing than the steady, flat terrain of Arizona! Who would’ve thunk?! Eh. At least I went?

When I got home, feeling quite defeated, I posted a status update on my personal Facebook page, (for some reason, not on the Calculated Chaos page), partially to vent about my frustration regarding my brief excursion & partially to shame myself into venturing out on my bicycle again soon. After I hit “Post,” I cried for a moment, (embarrassing to admit, but true, nonetheless), & went about my day.

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To my surprise, when I went back to that post later in the day, there was a surprising amount of ‘likes’ & several encouraging, supportive comments! I felt a bit redeemed & a touch more determination than I did earlier in the day. . .

I intended to go again the next day & on each morning the handsome husband went to work (plus, hopefully one with him each week). However, both mornings since, I either sabotaged my efforts by staying up too late the night before or, in today’s case, just psyched myself OUT of going. . .

His & Her Bicycles
His & Her Bicycles

Sometime over the last twenty-four hours or so, I chanced upon an article written by a gal named Andrea of My Fearless Heart, (a blog I intend to continue to follow). . . Amongst other relevant things, it said that “circumstances don’t just happen.” This hit me like a ton of bricks & I realized how much more control I actually have of the situation, even though it’s hard to see (or admit).

What I had already suspected was confirmed: I am my biggest obstacle. It’s high time that I figure out how to get out of my own way. I have never been one to limit my food choices or to deprive myself of anything I really crave; that is something I have absolutely no intention of changing. Afterall, all things in moderation are perfectly fine by me! BUT, with that said, I am not the skinny, young thing I once was. (Quitting smoking last year doesn’t help either, but that’s a separate subject!)

It is imperative that I create some kind of an actual habit in regards to getting active — at least moderately. “Just do it.” It seems like such a simple concept; yet, I struggle. What are some things you do to get over this type of issue? Or, are you in the same boat?


One day, hopefully in the not-so-distant future, I will look back & realize I was making this harder than it needs to be. Until then, I guess I just need to know I am not alone in this struggle & that it’s okay to feel the way I do.Reta Jayne

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Reta Jayne

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By Reta Jayne

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I am Reta Jayne. I help women learn to love themselves again (or more!) through no-bull discussions about mental health, self-care, & more. Click the email icon to subscribe to & communicate with me via email.

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Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.