Teetering On a Ledge


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Lately, I feel as though I have been teetering on a ledge. . . I either want to curl up & fall asleep or I want to attack my surroundings like a maniac. . . Sorting & organizing & cleaning. . . There’s SO much I want to accomplish, but I just don’t feel like I have the energy to bother. There was a glimpse of motivation yesterday morning when I used catching up on one of my favorite television shows as a bribe to myself for getting on my new elliptical-like contraption. . . BUT, it fizzled after little else. . . Ugh. 

Today, I started my day like normal, setting out the handsome husband’s clothes & unloading & loading the dishwasher as my coffee brewed. After starting the machine, I sat down with the laptop & sipped my coffee & fiddled around with my blog’s site & my Facebook pages for a couple of hours. There’s a pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded & put away & a hamper full of clothing & towels that need to be washed. But they all remain untouched.

In the living room, there’s a gorgeous new five-shelf bookcase that the handsome husband bought for me & promptly assembled. It still sits empty, awaiting the various knick-knacks & books & such that are still packed away in boxes from the move. There are picture frames that need to be put on the walls & cleaning supplies that need to be taken out of boxes & put away.

ALSO READ:  Oncoming

Arizona is an extremely dusty place; thus, already, there is dusting to be done. . . There are floors to be swept or vacuumed. A brand-new steam mop that the husband has purchased for me that I have yet to use on any of the beautiful tile floors throughout the house. . . There are counters that need to be wiped down & mirrors that need to be cleaned. . .

I think you get the picture. None of these things are horrifically time-consuming or worrisome tasks. . . They just require a couple of hours of actual effort. Furthermore, I just know I’ll feel better once these tasks are done — although, some of them are reoccurring. . . I am a creature of habit; all I have to do is actually form the habit.

Yet. . . Here I am. I start with a small task — like emptying our dressers of the clothing we never wear anymore — then, I get distracted & start something else — like emptying the bathroom trash. Then, I get further distracted with Lord-knows-what &, in the end, I have a bathroom trash can that I haven’t  re-lined & a huge bag of clothing destined for donation still sitting in the middle of our bedroom. Nothing else gets done. WTH? (It is five o’clock in the afternoon — after being up for over twelve hours — & I have still yet to shower for the day!)

I tell myself to quit procrastinating. . .  To snap out of it. But, every time I convince myself to do something productive, the same thing happens: I stop short of making any kind of real dent in what needs to be done.

I am teetering on a ledge. . . Swaying back & forth as I walk a very fine line.

ALSO READ:  God Will Decide

On one side is the VASTNESS of “What’s the Point?” It’s the area where I throw my hands up, curl up into a ball, pull the blankets over my head & just go to sleep, leaving it all for another day. . . A day way in the future, to be thought about at another indeterminable time. After all, I am just so tired.

The other side of the ledge, is the BOMB of “What the Hell?!” It’s the area where I am so indescribably frustrated with myself & my surroundings that I just feel like I am going to explode. It’s where I let my tears fall, uncontrollably down my face & I go into a frenzied assault on all the things that I have been putting off — & sometimes plenty else that I haven’t even added to the “to-do list” just yet. . .

Neither side of this ledge is a good thing. One side is so vast, I don’t know how to deal with it; the other, an explosion of productivity that’ll leave me just as emotionally distraught. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s only a matter of time before one or the other will win. . . Then, it’ll be only a matter of time before the other side of the ledge gets its turn. In the meantime, I teeter, accomplishing these little tidbits of tasks around the house that add up painfully slow. . . Just enough effort not to fall onto one side or the other. . . (And housework isn’t the only thing this accurately describes. . . But, I guess that’s a story for another time.)

The story of my life: Teetering on a ledge.



So, apparently, Monday was something called “No Housework Day.” Go figure. I totally had that covered & I didn’t even know it! In honor of this, there’s a nearly week-long party going on, hosted by I Make Myself Queen, Non-Domestic Mama, & Coolest Family on the Block. If you’re so inclined, you should totally head over there & check out other housework-related posts. . .

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Reta Jayne

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By Reta Jayne

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I am Reta Jayne. I help women learn to love themselves again (or more!) through no-bull discussions about mental health, self-care, & more. Click the email icon to subscribe to & communicate with me via email.

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Bible Verse of the Day

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.