February 25, 2015

The Wrong Kind of Intensity

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Holy cow! I have been having some seriously CRAZY dreams lately!

This is even more interesting because, even though I suspect that I must dream, I could count on one hand the times I could remember anything about my dreams. . .

Almost haunting. . . (Image from morgueFile.com)
Almost haunting. . . (Image from morgueFile.com)

The past two nights — um, days, I guess it is since I’m on a graveyard schedule now?– I have had crazy dreams. The day before yesterday, I was running away from someone or something. . . It was some kind of rocky terrain with beautiful stars in the sky. . . I wasn’t by myself all the time, but I was on edge & either being chased or trying to stay out of sight in some way. . . I was building fires in caves, but still startling awake & looking over my shoulder. . .  It was intense. Seriously intense. . . & I woke up with those same feelings.

So strange!

The handsome husband says I slept fitfully too. . . Mumbling in my sleep & thrashing around a bit more than usual. Odd. Just odd.

Then, yesterday, I know I was dreaming, but I don’t remember the details. I woke up feeling anxious then too. . . Not as anxious as the day before. . . But, still.

Then, there was the few minutes when I had a mini panic attack, just sitting on the couch, wide awake. I started thinking about death. . . Or, I guess, more specifically, me dying.

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I just remember thinking, I am not ready. Does Riley know how much I love him? What about David? Who do I need to tell? Have I made a difference? 

It was a scary moment. A crazy moment. I’ve never experienced that before. . . & the feeling was so damn intense.

It passed nearly as quickly as it began. I was able to redirect my thoughts by turning on the television to a show I had been wanting to watch. . .

But, that feeling lingers. Not in the same intensity as when I first felt it, but still. It kind of haunts me.

Such an odd, odd thing. I might be losing it, y’all! LOL. Seriously, though.

It’s been a few days of the wrong kind of intensity haunting me. . . I can’t help but wonder where that is coming from. . . So weird.

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  • You have made a difference in my life. I know you have made a difference in other lives as well. If you are ever unsure if your boys know you love them, reach out to them and tell them. I am sure they know but it never hurts to have them hear it more. I love you and hope to have you in my life for a few more decades!

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